Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Craaazy Stuff of Life!!!

Good morning everyone! It's me again. You know what my sentiment is right now? I'll be honest, sometimes life just makes you tired. I mean just plain old tired of trying, tired!!!! Especially when there are goals you are trying to meet, or expectations waiting in the halls of your mind. Here I am just minding my own business, going along, simply living life, and something comes along that I think I'm okay with, and then it just hits me and I think "I can't do this anymore, I'm tired!!"! Does anyone out there feel my pain?

And then there are those days when nothing I do fits into place. Even the simplest of things, my hands can't seem to hold anything, I try to hang something on a hanger and it slips off two or three times, the coffee scalds my tongue...now it will be sore for days! I drop milk from my cereal bowl onto the PJs I just washed yesterday and they are my favorite PJs, now they'll have to go back through the washing process. Every outfit I choose to put on has something wrong with it, so I go through four before settling on one. I forget to cancel the appointment I couldn't make and get charged a fee, every red light in Newton, Rockdale, Fulton, Dekalb, Cobb and Walton counties catch me if I'm anywhere near! I get almost to where I'm going only to remember I forgot my cellphone. The way I discovered the missing cellphone was because my purse took a tumble and now everything is in the floor. As I'm thinking about that, I enter a parking lot through the wrong entrance and get beeped at, very loudly. As I'm leaving the grocery store, escaping a slow check out line and rude clerk, I remember that I didn't get the one thing I actually came to the store to get probably because my list is somewhere on the floor of the car! Then I remember I forgot all my morning meds! My daughter calls me on the way home and asks me to keep the kids that night for an emergency meeting she must attend. When I hesitate, remembering my day, she takes it as a "no" and starts panicking about who can keep them. When I try to explain why I hesitated, I am misunderstood and there are hurt feelings! When I finally get back home, one thing is checked off my to-do list! I am now the proud owner of new bed sheets that we have needed for sometime. I put them in the washer so we can use them tonight (nothing like a new set of sheets to make a bad day seem not so bad!). But when I return to the laundry room to put them in the dryer, someone has beaten me to it!! How nice! Nice until I realized that they only did it to get their clothes into the washer and they put my sheets on the wrong setting, so now my $89.00 sheets (with a coupon) have shrunk and will not fit my bed. Then as I'm going to bed, I realize I don't feel well and I have a fever. As I say "Good-night" to the Lord, I wonder what tomorrow will hold?

This is the stuff of life, this is living! On days like this I just want to stuff myself into a ball and just zone out!!! I'm sure all of us have been guilty of feeling this way. If you haven't don't tell me that will only add to my list of problems!! Anyway, who said life is suppose to go smoothly? My husband sent me an email that some of you may have received, the information contained therein is from "Steven Covey" who says that 10% of what happens to us on a daily basis it out of our control, and the other 90% is constituted of how we react to that 10%. That's when I said "Reeeaaallly???" it was hard for me to believe, but when I meditated on it I realized the truth it held. Most of my "bad" day was just a normal day with a few little mishaps, but to me, they became horrible obstacles from which I hung my emotional hat of self pity. My problems rest mainly between my two ears, and I don't mean I have a sinus infection or a headache. I have those as well, but, I mean that it is all in how we treat or handle the situations of life that determines our quality of living. So I've gained 3 pounds in one day?...I can lose it again! So my daughter got her feelings hurt?... I can apologize. So my new sheets shrunk?... We'll make more money somehow and buy some more sheets, at least we are strong enough to work. I can't relive those hours, but I can always start again. The one thing I'm learning in recovery, and yes I am recovering from many things, as we all should be, but, I have learned that you can always start over, anytime of the day! This has revolutionized my life!

I guess you can tell that today I am "encouraging myself in the Lord" (as King David said), and I'm letting you listen in. And really all I have shared with you today is to point out that we truly start recovering from trauma and abuse when we learn to let go and forgive ourselves. We all fail every now and then, we all stumble, and we also all overcome or we wouldn't be alive! You are a fighter or you would have been eliminated during the birthing process, you have made it through this life so far by not giving up. So, if you feel that your power was taken from you in a violent or abusive act on you or someone you love, just remember it's not over. You have the sustainability to take back your life. Put yourself on restart and forgive you for not being strong enough to somehow get out of that situation. Then you can start on the road to forgiving others, whether it be your abuser, or those who didn't believe or support you!

I thank my Higher Power, Jesus Christ, that I can live and breath and have my being in Him. Not my "doing", but my "being". You see, I didn't earn the right to live and thrive by anything I have done, it was simply bestowed on me and I am here because of who I have chosen to be, how I have chosen to see myself and my circumstances. I desire to live so that laughter is the best medicine and have so much joy that I couldn't take anymore if you tried to give it to me! Now that's worth living for!!! That's all for now. I hope you will go and enjoy just being who you are!!

Love,
Roma Beth

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