Hello my friends! I hope your week was productive and relaxing. But for those of you who still need to wind down, just take a deep breath and be still for 1 minute by the clock, thinking only positive thoughts. See if you can do this, most people find it difficult, but if you can, it tends to help clear your brain. And I should know!! I am one who has a hard time clearing my brain!! I know it's all there, because I have had numerous CT scans and MRI's. And apart from a few Migraine induced lesions, I have a normal thinker. But thoughts are not always generated in the head, as we all know, they come from a much different and deeper place.

One of the things I did do to try to bring some peace into my brain was to buy a canary. Now most of you know how much I love nature, but I didn't even really want a canary bird, I was persuaded when I heard that the canary's song can solicit the ability to focus in the "right now". And it really does, if you don't mind having him sing over you when you are trying to talk or do other things. He sings when he wants to. That is the one freedom he has, my Peter Cetera. That's his name, he is named after the former lead singer of the "Chicago" band, which is my favorite group. He no longer even tries to fly out of his cage because he doesn't want to. I really don't think he can conceive of anything outside of his cage, it's all too scary! I feel bad for him because he doesn't even know the beautiful world that awaits him if he could just fly free.

Now to the serious part. Trauma can be a cage in our lives from which we never feel confident to fly. When something happens to totally change life as you know it...usually unexpected, that's trauma. And one such thing happened to my family October 6th of 2006. The event had actually taken place many years earlier, but the revelation of events from back then hit us square in the face. Wes and I were in a little mountain spot where we own property spending a much needed overnight away. At 3:00 am my cell phone rang and my son-in-law sounded very troubled. My heart went to my throat, "you need to talk to Penie, she's calling for you, something has happened and I'm not sure what." I heard my daughter's voice in the background screaming and I immediately started shaking and praying. "Mom" she said in a little girl's voice, "He raped me", I said "who, and are you okay?". All I got was "he raped me, oh God Mommy, he raped me". My 24 year old daughter doesn't usually call me "Mommy", so I knew we were in trouble. I was so puzzled and disoriented, by this time Wes had grabbed the phone. Ryan was back on, he said "she just began regressing like a child and saying she was raped and she said it was when she was little." From that point all I can remember is speeding home through mountain roads, sometimes 90 miles and hour to get back to help our daughter. By the time we arrived, my son Britt was there helping bring some comfort and taking care of the babies. I held Penie who was curled up and still sobbing but making no sense. Gradually she began to make sense again, and when she did, the story she told was spine chilling. An eight year old girl, being totally abused beyond comprehension and it was told in detail as if it was happening to her all over again. Suddenly things began to come together in my mind and certain things about her growing up made sense. All anyone in that room could feel was first compassion then anger and outrage and a need to bring justice to the perpetrator. Now don't judge us, had you been there you would have understood. All of this is in the past and I in no way desire to bring anything up that will cause harm to anyone. My daughter Penie has forgiven and is dealing with her own pain. And to accuse anyone is not my intention. I intend to use this experience to bring help and hope to those who may have had similar situations. And to to give understanding to those who were in our lives, at the time, as to what our family was dealing with. The church which we shepherded at the time suffered as our family withdrew, and I feel I owe it to them to share this with them. No names will be used in the making of this blog!!!!

I have found that my trauma kept me in a cage. And until recently I didn't know I could find the freedom to fly above it. I might have been producing sound to the best of my ability, but finding out the truth about my child and my family put me somewhere dark and isolated. I was being held in a cage in which I could only see one room. I only ate emotionally what was handed to me, never being empowered to change my emotional diet. I really thought I was doing good and doing my thing by singing my caged song! The only people I was touching were those who happened by my cage. I could go on with the comparisons, but listen, I want to share how my family has walked out of the cage, at least for now and seen this trauma for what it is. We are still dealing, but we now see the impact and the blessing. I hope if there is a trauma situation you have been dealing with that you will remember that the cage can only hold you so long. Don't die caged up like so many others, get help, talk to someone. Life is a one time deal. You need peace and you need hope. I'm here to try to give as much of that as I can. Had I stayed inside this cage I would have died of resentment.

I will continue this next time and share some steps for recovery. Please stay with me, I hope this hasn't confused you, but I know the God of your understanding will help you if you just begin to ask for clarity over the trauma in your life.

Until next time,

Love, Roma Beth