Have I Been Erased?

I know!! It's been over a month. When I looked at my last posting I could not believe my slothfulness. However, I will give myself a break since I have been dealing with some very crazy physical issues that you don't need to hear about. Maybe later. I'll just say that I found out this week that my blood work does not show anything like cancer or any major illnesses. However they, the very efficient Doctors, are still in the process of examining the source, of my unspecified fever I have had for SIX MONTHS!!!! Sorry, didn't mean to let my frustration show. Anyway now I don't need to tell you later because I just told you. Another excuse for delaying my post is that I went on vacation with my family, it was awesome, I think it was the best vacation we have had.

I want to start by just asking you if you've ever felt just invisible, or like a big cosmic eraser has come down and just erased the place where you thought you were making a difference in this world? I'm sure I can't be the only one. I think seasons of change in our lives must bring this feeling. I have been through this a few times. Once when I left a thriving ministry out of moral convictions...it is the hardest things I had ever done. I went from a religious television personality, pastor of 300 families, to nothing but a woman struggling for her sanity overnight. What was that about? But God raised up another ministry through the pain, and soon we were a part of birthing a beautiful Christ centered, Spirit led church that led hundreds to Him and was responsible for so many great and powerful things. I'd like to think we opened a wider door to God's presence and helped to change the face of youth ministry in our community. We did change how churches and schools interacted in our community. I also made a personal difference in how women are received in our county in Pastoral roles. It took a lot of tenacity to break down that wall!!! But The greater things we did were to change lives, help people get back to God, restore homes, bring people back to hope and sanity, comfort, love and introduce people through worship to a healing God. I faithfully preached the Word three, sometimes four times a week, sometimes through broken limbs, migraines, viruses, pneumonia, strep throat, kidney stones, you name it, for 13 plus years. Then on August 19, 2007 it happened again, it stopped. Just stopped. At first I felt liberated, then I felt lost on Saturday nights and Sundays and I missed the church family. Then when I visited other churches all I could do was cry. So I quit going to church. I would get sermons with no one to hear, I would get Words with no one to tell, so I would write them anyway. I felt rejected, and I felt invalidated. This went on for a looooooong time, but in time this feeling just dissipated and I started feeling as if the place I stood was important enough.

I promise I am not just toying with you, I really came to a place of serenity, knowing that all I can do is wake up and take one step into the day, one breath sometimes and see what God brings my way. I have been surprised at how much God has put in my path. And it is so liberating knowing that God has been doing this same thing with so many people I know!!

The "Bloody Blanket" led us to an encounter with people we would have never been as closely involved in as we were. We attended a "family week" to help understand some of the issues that our son had been battling. I know now God put us there. We were in a room with about 10 other families. We were just one of them. We all had the same issues and we were all on common ground. As we listened to their stories we wept, seriously wept. And they did the same with us. The week changed our lives. We realized that these people didn't feel accepted by any religious institution or organization, no, they only came to a place where love was unconditional with no strings, no expectations in return. And most of us there had to learn to ask our fellow man for help. That's harder than you think. But if God's Kingdom is within us, and if it consists of love, peace, and joy, why shouldn't we be a walking church, or city. This fellowship reflected more of Jesus than anything I had been a part of for a while. Wes and I knew right then that God was turning our hearts in a new direction, a direction harder to see, but with more rewards. Just like Jesus, a mobile unit of loving those who no one else really can see. Those who feel erased, those who feel that the circumstances of life have invalidated them from moving forward. And we continue daily pursuing new ways of doing this!!!!

I am considered "unchurched" right now. But I am a member of Christ's larger community. I believe in the church. I believe that if we don't support it somewhere it will die. And I am looking for the breakthrough of believers who will defy religion and become the Message. If you are one of these people give the church a vote by keeping it alive in someway. What if there were no churches alive when we passed them on Sundays? It could happen, it really could in the day we live in.

So next time you feel erased, or eradicated, or invalidated, or whatever word you may use, just remember that God never destroys anything He creates, though you may feel it's not there it doesn't mean squat, it just means He is transforming it into something you can't see yet!! Ha Ha Ha!!!!

From Roma with Love